Crib Notes/Transcript
opens up showing a view of Kyle's house Kyle: camera How am I ever going to pass this test?!? now see Kyle. He is sitting at his coffee table, which is crowded with books. Necronomicon looks on, worried Kyle: Ugh! "Introduction to Spells and Charms", "Wandwork 101", "Getting Familiar with Familiars". Oh, I'll never get back into Milkweed!!! squishes his head with books, then hangs it in shame. Suddenly, F&C crash through the roof on a turbo bike Fanboy: WOW! THAT! WAS! THE COOLEST! JUMP! EVER! comes out from under one of the boards Fanboy: Oh, hey, Kyle! What are you doing in the bottom of Snake River Canyon? Kyle: Well, I was studying for the M.A.T.s! Chum Chum: "M.A.T.s"? What's that? Fanboy: And a follow-up question, what is "studying"? Kyle: M.A.T.s: The Milkweed Admittance Test. Once I pass the exam, I intend to re-matriculate at my Alma Matar post-haste. Chum Chum: Kyle's talking gibberish. Fanboy: Sounds like someone's blood sugar is a little low. Come on, Chum Chum, let's go make Kyle a study snack. leave Fanboy shows a small round snack container Fanboy: Hope you like leftovers! All we found was this container that says: "Flan: Do not open under any circumstances". gets horrified But you look pretty hungry, so I'll make an exception. starts to open the container Kyle: No, no, don't open -- late! Fanboy opens the container and drops a flan onto a plate on Kyle's coffee table. As he does so, it starts to expand. Kyle holds tight to Necronomicon horrified as he watches the flan grow a body Necronomicon: Oh, nonono, oh, nonono... flan grows a body. Before you know it, the flan has transformed into Professor Flan, Kyle's former teacher. He doesn't seem so very pleased Professor Flan: Well. a monocle to his eye If it isn't Kyle Bloodworth-Thomason! Kyle: innocent Hello, Professor Flan. You looking well? Professor Flan: No, thanks to you! some glaze over Kyle's head First, you turn me into a raspberry flan. Then, you stuff me in a container, and toss me in the ice box! I almost expired again! Kyle: Oh, I was - just simply...preserving your...wizardry powers. So, that - you know, future generations could - you know, enjoy you and taste you. Professor Flan: Oh, stop kissing my behind! Then, tell your friends to stop nibbling it! are nibbling Professor Flan's back Professor Flan: sneeky I know all about your plans to get back into Milkweed. Well, I have a plan of my own. I shall return tomorrow to administer your test PERSONALLY! And you'd better get every question correct, or you will never see the hallowed halls of Milkweed Academy again! mainically Don't worry, that happens a lot, that is. spit And oh, there, right. Ahem. sniff Where was I? Never mind. his top hat on his head Good day. disappears Kyle: Oh, heavens! I can't possibly get my studies done in time. Fanboy: Why not do what we do? Fail. Chum Chum: Yeah. Then you can stay in Mr. Mufflin's class with us. Fanboy and Chum Chum: Forever... they imagine themselves as senior citizens Kyle: pause Cheat! That's what I need to do. I've got it! Crib Notes! Oh, Necronomicon? appears I need a spell for Crib Notes. Necronomicon: Crib Notes?! Oh, nononono, dear boy! I won't be happy for cheating. It's wrong, wrong! Kyle: Necronomicon and tries to open him Oh, work it! Shut your holio, then open your 'folio. manages to open Necronomicon. He flips through the pages until he reaches the one with the Crib Notes spell Kyle: Ah, here we are. "Crib Notes". his wand Chee-tar-chee-tar-pump-kin-eeh-tar, krib-ihh-tee-bib-ihh-tee-aah-wop-bam-nohts! fires his wand. In a puff of smoke, Kyle's sofa is replaced with a baby's crib. Kyle himself has disappeared as well Fanboy and Chum Chum: coughing Fanboy: Hey, Kyle turned into a crib! Kyle: a baby voice No I didn't, I'm in here! run up to the crib and peek inside. They gasp Chum Chum: Kyle, you're a baby! perspective. Kyle isn't a pre-teen anymore, he is now an infant baby Baby Kyle: Oh, no. What happened to me? Necronomicon: If you'd bother to read, you'd see that's the way the spell works! First, the wizard becomes a baby, then he must fall asleep in the Enchanted Crib. Only then, will the Crib Notes appear. disappears Fanboy: Well, that's easy enough. Just scootch down with your binky and your blankey... Chum Chum: a cloud-ferry And take the cloud-ferry to Sleepytime Island. Kyle sighs, then falls asleep. Fanboy looks at his watch and starts counting how long he's sleeping, only to hear Baby Kyle wake up and cry. F&C are stunned, then they peek back into the crib Fanboy: Aww, what's wrong, Baby Kyle? Baby Kyle: I don't know. sob It seems I'm not suffically fatigued. are surprised Fanboy: Baby Kyle, we can understand your baby gibberish. No, we can't. Baby Kyle: I'm not tired! Chum Chum: Maybe baby wants to be helded. Fanboy: gasp Does someone want to go uppums? Baby Kyle: Yes, yes, I want to be held. picks Baby Kyle up, but he starts to slip out Fanboy: Huh? Well, I can't seem to - Chum Chum: Careful! Fanboy: I'm trying! Baby Kyle to Chum Chum Chum Chum: He's too slippery. I need baby powder. finds a bottle and squirts. But it's a baby oil bottle, not a baby powder one Chum Chum: Not baby oil! wind up tossing Baby Kyle back and fourth Baby Kyle: Would you please put me - a chainsaw Ah! Is that a chainsaw? are juggling Baby Kyle with chainsaws Fanboy: Just go with it, Kyle, we're in a group. a circus tune Baby Kyle: Put me back in my crib at once! Fanboy: You heard him, Chum Chum. Big finish! throws Baby Kyle upward while singing the circus tune. Chum Chum, riding the trapeze, catches him and throws him through a flaming hoop, over a pit of bears and he safely lands back in his crib. Suddenly, chainsaws land in the floor and start cutting a hole around the crib Fanboy and Chum Chum: Ta-da! hole opens and Baby Kyle falls in through to the basement with the crib. F&C peek through it Fanboy: You okay there? Chum Chum: Crawl it off, Kyle Baby. the dining room, Fanboy suggests feeding Baby Kyle a snack to make him tired Fanboy: There, there, Baby Kyle. You'll sleep better when you have a nice, full tummy. moving the spoon toward the baby's mouth. In singsong voice Okay, open wide! Here comes the airplane! Baby Kyle: I may be in diapers, but I'm not daft. the spoon away That is a spoon, not an aeroplane. Fanboy: I know! This is just for directing Chum Chum. He's in the airplane. Kyle looks up and sees Chum Chum in an airplane Fanboy: Crocker to Chum Chum, you are clear for approach of doctor 2-0-nighter over. Chum Chum: Copy that, Grandcook. Targets in sight, arming the payload. a spoon mechanism and targets Baby Kyle We are target lock. Fanboy: Commence feeding. Baby Kyle: Oh, no. Nono, no! out of his seat and crawls away Chum starts shooting food Baby Kyle: AHH! Make him stop! MAKE HIM STOP!!! Fanboy: We're gonna have to abort mission. Target is being fussy, I repeat, abort. Chum Chum: to stop but falls I can't pull up! I'm going dooooown! Kyle ducks down, but the plane crashes just in front of him Chum Chum: Sorry, sarge. Looks like I missed my target. safely on the ground with his parachute Fanboy: At ease, Chum Chum. We still got plan bravo. We are go for choo-choo train. toy train with a spoon charges foreward. Baby Kyle screams Baby Kyle is back in his crib, mouth full and quivering Baby Kyle: himself, pulls a spoon out of his mouth Just conjure the Crib Notes and ha, you'll pass the test. M.A.T.s. Fanboy: Kyle, you'll never go to sleep if you keep twitching like that. Chum Chum: When I was a baby, I liked to be rocked to sleep. Fanboy: Rock to sleep! Of cour-r-rse! It's so obvious! leave, and the lights go out Fanboy: camera Hello, Kyle's Cr-ib-ah! Baby Kyle: 'What the- ''lights turn back on. Kyle's crib is now on a stage in his basement, in front of a crowd. F&C are standing on speakers, holding elecric guitars. Fanboy's is a silver double-neck while Chum Chum's is a flaming hofner '''Crowd: cheering Fanboy: '''Are you ready to get rocked-tah?!? '''Baby Kyle: Oh please, no. (Song: Crib Rock) hops off his speaker and knocks Kyle to the other Fanboy: Yaaaaaah! Chum starts up a light show Chum Chum: Ahhhhhhh! kicks the crib into the crowd and he and Chum Chum continue playing. The crib with Baby Kyle in it gets tossed throught the crowd Baby Kyle: Please, no! Oh, be careful! Please, don't drop me! crib gets tossed back to the stage Fanboy: Kyle, waaaalalalalalalowa feeling sleepy yet?!? Ah! run over to the crib and discover Baby Kyle is not there. Only a beach ball is in his place Fanboy: Kyle? up and sees Baby Kyle getting tossed through the crowd Baby Kyle: No! Fanboy: a microphone Uh, could someone pass the baby back to the stage, please? Baby back to the stage, thank you, rock on. crowd throws Baby Kyle back to the crib Baby Kyle: Someone stole my pacifier! is being tossed through the crowd wearing Kyle's pacifier and waving glow sticks Hank: I'm on everyone, woohoo! finally get a chance to finish their song. The crowd cheers. They peek inside to see Baby Kyle, sleeping at last Fanboy: whispering It worked, Kyle's finally asleep. Chum Chum: whispering Okay, be real quiet. Fanboy: whispering You got it, be real quiet on three. loud ONE, TWO, THREE! play another song (Song: Be Quiet!) Fanboy: Gotta be real quiet, Kyle's trying to sleep Chum Chum: (Ha!) Fanboy: Trying to get, trying to get, trying to get to Milkweed Chum Chum: (Ha!) Fanboy: Gotta be real quiet, gotta hush to sleep Trying -- Fade it is early the next morning as the sun comes up Kyle's perspective. He is sleeping Fanboy: Kyle? singsong Ky-le? Time to wake up! Kyle wakes up and sees F&C Fanboy: You did it! You slept for five minutes! Feel refreshed? Chum Chum: Wow. You had some growth spurt. Kyle, who is crammed up in the crib. He is no longer a baby, he is back to a pre-teen! Kyle: Huh? What? out of the crib I'm back to normal! That must mean the Crib Notes are here! through the crib, but doesn't see any Crib Notes, just some baby oil, a book, and a diaper which lands on Fanboy's head Not here! But they've got to be! I fell asleep in the crib, and, BEBEBA, BABA, ABA, CACA, DADA, BABABA. this, F&C are confused Fanboy: Are you okay, normal-sized Kyle? Kyle: I'm talking like a baby! How am I going to take the test without passing off talking like a BABA, CACA, like a baby?! hand on mouth Fanboy: Wait a minute Kyle, say that again. Kyle: GAGADA, BABA. hand on mouth Chum Chum: That's not baby talk. Fanboy: Those are test answers! Kyle: BA? conjures up his M.A.T. test sheet, then sits down to work Kyle: BA. BACA. his wand to write down the answers B-A-C-A. Oh, I see. later, Professor Flan has returned to grade the sheet. He has a quill in his right hand and the exam in his right Professor Flan: mumbling My, my, my, well, then. mumbling of the exam. In the background, Kyle is to the left, pleading. F&C are on the right, pleading. Professor Flan's quill grades every answer correct. Back on Professor Flan Professor Flan: sniff It would seems you have answered EVERY QUESTION... quill disappear correctly. Kyle: I did it! Milkweed, here I come! that moment, Kyle starts glowing as he laughs mainically. He rises up into the air surrounded by blue light. F&C look on, excited about their friend. Professor Flan just stares Kyle: And when I finally complete my studies and become the most powerful pre-teen wizard this world has ever seen, I shall use my skills to turn you into a plum pudding. As I originally intended. HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, FATTY-FAT, FLANNY-FLAN? cackles Professor Flan: Ahem. However - it seems that in taking the exam, you failed to use a No. 2 Wand. stops glowing and floats confused. F&C are confused as well Professor Flan: Thereby, rendering all your correct answers - null and void. still floats confused Professor Flan: READMITTANCE... giant stamp appears Kyle: Ahh! stamp hits Kyle, leaving "DENIED" all over him Professor Flan: DENIED!!! cackles falls out of the stamp and hits the floor, disappointed Professor Flan: Ohohohohoho, that felt good. I do so look forward to denying you again in the future, Kyle. Flanny-flanny-flanny-flan...out! disappears come over. Chum Chum sucks up all the glaze with a giant straw Chum Chum: Kyle in a serious funk Aww, poor Kyle. Let's cheer him up. Fanboy: You're right! Let's cheer him up on three. ONE, TWO, THREE! pull out their guitars from earlier and play one final song. Kyle puts his hands over his ears and tries to block the sound out (Song: Cheer Up) Fanboy: Let's cheer him up, he's feeling real down Cause I gotta do, cause I'm after me in north town Fanboy and Chum Chum: He's got, he's got, he's got He's never getting out...cha! Category:Transcripts